JOY IS: Making a New Beginning

I am in a coaching session with a client. My client is an intelligent, mature, controlled and analytical man. Although I have known him for a while, this is our first coaching session. The weight of the many responsibilities he is carrying is evident from his drooped shoulders. He is a computer engineer and a mid-level manager. In private life, he is the father of a young family. He is striving to do best on all fronts.

He is going over different areas of his life, from the “Wheel of Life”. It is hard to tell his emotions, he is almost poker-faced, only a flicker in the eye, now and then. He is talking slowly and in an even voice, carefully selecting words in describing areas of his life that are less satisfying than the others. While talking about Fun and Hobbies area, which he has scored the lowest. He looks away a few of seconds trying to conceal the longing for putting yourself first.

In the city, daylight hours are spent working in demanding corporate jobs. Mid-level managers are the most stressed, sandwiched between the pressure of executive management with the demands of their teams. This is a trying time of life, usually the kids are small, chores are split between spouses, parents are aging and requiring more support. There is no time to just “be” or do things only for yourself. Days end lying stretched out like a log on the couch, beaten with exhaustion. That is, if you can go offline. Most companies now expect you to read and respond to your e-mails out of office as well. As an attempt to numb the brain from the endless rambling of the over-worked mind, TV is watched or more so “stared at”. Family conversations are heard, but not listened to. The day feels unlived. The mind does not shup up. So the tendency is to stay up late. The next sleep-deprived day starts with pale skin and under-eye circles, only to repeat like “The Groundhog Day”. Each day is the repetition of roughly the same scenario.

Thus day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year life passes by mostly in “auto-pilot” mode. Literally! Routines and repetitive behaviors are stored and automated by our brain so that during these activities there is very little activity overall in our brain. An ancient part of the brain called the basal ganglia is responsible of these habits or repeating routines. Our brains are wired to constantly look for ways to save effort, so when we start repeating same behavior it stores the routine and later uses it when necessary, without involving “thinking” parts of the brain much. Of course, this mechanism is very useful, otherwise we would have to learn to do basic things over and over again, such as tying your shoelaces. However, there are two downsides.

Firstly, whatever your life style is, when you look back, life is a series of memories. Long standing memories are created from experiences that stand out somehow either emotionally or because the experience is different from ordinary. Several months later what do you remember from the uneventful work days at the office or from weekends that you did nothing special or days you spent doing only house-work? Memory-wise they are empty, unlived, they have disappeared in an infinite dark well.

Secondly, letting the “auto-pilot” run your life, deprives you from living your life intentionally, which is the only way to live in way that is deeply meaningful to you, to evolve towards your best self, to make necessary changes timely and to enrich your life by learning new things! Simply, because you are not driving! Considering the way technology is evolving, maybe even you are in a self-driving car!

I have always felt like September is the beginning of a new year, rather than January. With the summer ending, most vacations are finished, schools are starting, business starts picking up, most courses and seminars start the new season and corporations initiate works for next year’s budget.

I take advantage of this time of new beginnings to intentionally plan my year according to the bigger picture I want. For example, it was in the last September’s planning period that I decided to reject corporate job offers and work freelance in a totally new area for me.

I do the planning in writing, because I truly believe in the power of written words. Writing your plans make them more concrete. They become a commitment to yourself and give a clear direction to your brain to work towards. Do I complete everything I have planned? No. But I certainly get done much more and I move much closer to my vision, compared to a life in “stand-by”!

The process I follow goes like this:

1. What are my key targets / objectives for this year?

Key targets or objectives are the focus areas arising from the vision of the year. They should be maximum 3 to 5 in number, because each key target will require a multitude of actions and the brain has the capacity to focus and track only a limited number of major things. This does not mean you will not do anything else, but it means these are the larger pebbles to put in the container, so that you make sure they get in. Otherwise, when the year is over, all you will have is a jar of little pebbles! Key targets are what you will write on your board and that you look at every day. They are like the theme of your year!

In determining the vision for key targets, ask yourself:

     a) Reflect on the macro view of your life. Some questions that help:

What is most important for you and what are you willing to take off your plate for that?

If your life was a book, what would be title of the book? Which chapter are you at?

What are your values and what are ways to live them more fully?

What do you want your legacy to be?

Who do you want to become?

b) Reflect on the macro view of the year. Some questions that help:

What is the next chapter for you?

When it is the end of this year and if you had a great, satisfying year in almost every way, what will have happened, what will have you accomplished? (These should be of course things you have control over!)

           Then go back and ask: For these to happen by the end of the year, what should I be focusing on between now and the end of the year?

Key targets for me last year were:

• Setting up my business
• Completing my coach training and certification and adapting to a new way of working
• Developing my knowledge in Sufism.

2. What NEW things do I want to learn or do?

In order to activate different parts of our brain and generate new neural pathways, we need to learn and do new things. Especially learning things that are quite different from our strengths, is transformational! An engineer learning to paint or play an instrument or a musician learning creative writing are examples of targeting to work “weaker brain muscles”! Learning a new language is of course always great for our brain.

Variety in style is also an important consideration, i.e. mental versus physical, artistic versus analytical, individual versus social. For example, if you work at a bank and sit and crunch numbers all day, how about going to a cooking school to learn cooking or taking a dancing class? The important thing is not to be a perfectionist. While learning and trying new things, enjoy the journey rather than expecting perfect results from yourself and getting stressed.

Start your planning list by writing down new things you want to learn or do this year, so that you make sure “new” stuff is already in there before you further drill down to goals. Last year, getting trained in NLP, learning how to make croissants, learning how to make fresh pasta from scratch were among the items in my list that I enjoyed.

3. Where do I want to go?

Next, I add the trips (abroad and domestic) I want to take and specific places I want to visit in the city I live in, to the planning list. Travelling and visiting new places creates wonderful memories, stretches the imagination and expands knowledge. If we do not have the budget to travel to other cities or abroad, there are always places waiting to be discovered close by or that can be reached via a short bus ride.

To tell you the truth, I add places I want to go to the list at this stage, because it really motivates me for the upcoming year! Last year, spending a day at the Grand Bazaar, discovering the flourishing Tophane area and going to the Amalfi Coast were places in my list, that I loved visiting.

4. What are my goals?

The next step would be to set goals in different aspects of life and add them to your planning list. You can determine the different aspects of life you want to set goals in. For goals to be effective they famously should be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely). The categories I use are:

·      Career/Work

·      Relationships

o   Romantic,

o   Core Family

o   Extended Family

o   Friends & Social

·      Home and Other Locations

·      Financial

·      Health and Personal Care

·      Personal Development

·      Entertainment/Fun

·      Spiritual

• Firstly, make sure goals that will make your key targets/objects happen, get into the list.
• Some goals are just activities that need to be scheduled, such as your yearly check ups, doctor/dental appointments, birthdays, special days to be celebrated, etc.
• Other goals may require you to research and enroll into some courses/seminars.
• Maybe you have some relationship goals, such as spending more time with your mother, for which you need to schedule a regular time to visit her.
• Some goals may require a concentrated effort for a specific time period, such as remodeling your living room.
• A personal development goal of reading 2 books a month, requires being flexible in actual timing, but tracking that you accomplish it within a time period.

5. Work on the timing and the calendar

Then I open the e-calendar and start putting in all things that can already be scheduled.

• Mark the school breaks, national holidays, birthdays, other special days.
• Mark events that I want to follow, such as festivals.
• I discuss with my husband family vacations and trips.
• We discuss with friends about joint trips and mark the exact or likely time and place.
• Note activities that should occur in a certain month or enter reminders for them, at the beginning of the month. Later when the time comes, I actually make the appointments.
• Enter reminders for regular activities, such as a monthly facial, children’s school meetings, etc.

For items that can’t be placed on the calendar, I maintain the planning list grouped in categories and try to putdown an approximate time, such as a month or quarter, beside each item.

Finally, the outputs of the yearly planning activity are

• Key targets / objectives that will serve to focus and guide you through out the year,
• Your calendar already filled with a lot of information and planning, so that you are already organized,
• A list of categorized goals with approximate timings.

As you are going through the year, use the key targets and planning list in your daily, weekly, monthly planning and keep updating the calendar and your list.

My trainer in coach certification program was Alex Verlek van Tienhoven. Alex is a wonderful human being, who perfectly embodies being a great coach. He is a Dutch man, who is now living in southeastern France. One of the many nuggets of wisdom that remains from Alex is that he uncovers the vision of his customers in three pillars: What they want

1. their perception by the environment,

2. their impact,

3. their legacy

to be. Alex posts gorgeous pictures in Facebook almost daily and an attached comment starting with “JOY IS:”. In his post on September 15, 2017, he stated that joy is celebrating his 10 years in coaching. This has inspired the heading and ending to this blog post.

JOY IS: Living life intentionally on your own terms. Whatever the circumstances are are!

Again, we are back to CHOICE. Dear reader, “What do you choose for yourself this year?”.

Coffee and Chat: 5P at Work

We are getting ready to start a chat with Ihsan Karagoz, a dear friend, at Gokturk Delicious in a sunny, lukewarm spring morning. We are comfortably lounging outside, at my favorite table with a bench. Ihsan is a hard-core multi-national corporate executive. Coming from a marketing background, Kraft, Gilette, Procter and Gamble are among his previous employers. He has worked as an expatriate in London and in Geneva. Even in Turkey, he has continuously worked in an international context, reporting to foreign bosses, having multi-national teams. Currently, he is the Turkey Managing Director of Mondeléz International. I am curious of his accumulated wisdom regarding both being an expat and also working within such an international environment.

He is citing facts about his career with a serious voice, but I can tell his mind is occupied in the background with hundreds of tasks and issues. His eyeballs are wandering, as if going through a mental list. He is very busy, with a demanding schedule of business travel agenda ahead of him. Normally a fun, warm and engaged person, today he looks distracted and distant, though polite as always. It must be the effect of meeting with somewhat a business agenda, at working hours. He is not “here” yet.

I want to connect him to the essence of his expat experience.

Ihsan what was a time, while you were an expat, that you were very happy and satisfied? Tell me about it.

Suddenly, he becomes quiet, his eyes fixed straight ahead, going down deep inside to search for a joyous time. Then his face lights up.

“When I was appointed as an expat to work in London, I was thrilled. I initially went alone, my family came about 3-4 months later. The business was doing great. Our financial condition was very good. We were living in a service apartment in the beginning. Then we moved to a beautiful home in Richmond. My son was only 9 years old and was very happy to come to London. I was very worried about him going to school, that very first day as he boarded the school bus. But he adapted very easily and was very popular in school.”

“They told me I had to select a car from a group of second hand cars. There was a Mercedes Coupe among them. I asked if I can take it and they said I could. I loved driving it.”

NOW he is fully present. There is a boyish grin in his face. I can tell he is looking at a mental video of driving the Mercedes Coupe. What is it about men and cars!

Who did you become by working as an expat?

“I became a person who takes care of his own chores. In Europe, there are none of the “service” or “support” people that we are used to in Turkey, such as drivers, assistants that you can call 24 hours a day, valets, cleaning ladies, etc. I became a man that lives a western style life, less executive, more hands on and sportive. I used the public transportation to go to work wearing a back pack. I walked to a lot of places. For example, if it is service time for your car, there is no one to arrange it for you. They give you an instruction on how to get the appointment and you take your car in for service yourself.

No one cares what you are an expert of, what your title is or how much money you have. Everybody is treated the same and everybody is equal. You have no privilege over anybody. The culture is more egalitarian. This is the positive aspect.

On the more challenging side, whoever you are, socially you are treated as a foreigner. Even if you live in the nicest area of the city, you are treated as a foreigner when you go to a pub for example. That feeling of estrangement bothers you after a while. At work though, you do not feel it, because most of the people working at the multi-nationals are foreigners anyway. “

What would you tell professionals, with no prior experience, going abroad to work as expats, to prepare them?

“To begin with, being part of the community and having a harmonious approach really helps.

1. In Europe, the egalitarian culture is very clear at work as well. Companies are not hierarchical. For example, even if you are the manager of a department, you are not able to lead your team with a “Because I say so!” attitude. You are obliged to make sound judgements and convince people to do things. The authoritative, parental management style of the East, does not work. The same is true in daily life, you are expected to treat people from all walks of life as equal. You can’t act superior to anyone, when you are communicating.

2. Enjoy the diversity. Diversity opens new horizons. Each culture has its own nuances. Put an effort to learn them. For example, after some time I started work in London, I was warned by the secretaries about the way I said “Good morning.” They told me that, it is not polite to say good morning anonymously when you come in. You have to put in an effort, to learn and say each person’s name as well, such as “Good morning Elaine! Good morning Ellen!” Actually, it is nice to do so, I continued with this habit when I got back to Turkey for a while, until I got lazy again.

3. Learn the local language together with the local culture wherever you go. When you are learning the local language, they also teach you some of the local culture. For example, when I went to Geneva, I took French lessons. It helped tremendously in my adaptation.

4. Join activities of the local community, such as club memberships, parties, tour, pubs, etc. You can enlist the locals from work, to help you with this.

5. Learn the city you live in very well. When I first went to London, I studied the London map and in the weekends I tried new routes by heart with my car. First you start by learning the route to work, then you learn the routes to important places such as the airport, you continue step by step.

6. Time as an expat flies fast. If you procrastinate sightseeing and travelling around to when you are very settled, you might not have enough time. Enjoy wherever you are by doing stuff and seeing places as much as possible.

The summary of the social side of the process is: first year adaptation, second year performance, third year comfort zone.”

What mistakes did you make?

“I made the mistake of trying to manage authoritatively, I mentioned earlier. I did it even though I knew that I was not supposed to do it, because I did not yet have the muscles to lead in a more egalitarian way. I did some stuff that bounced back and I had to adjust my style.”

What else is important to know?

“It is good to decide on your long term path early on. Choices are continuing expat life in different countries, going back to your country or staying in one country. It is critical to really think this through. As an expat the company will move you about every 2-3 years. Some expat people I know, resigned the multi-national, in order to stay in the country they are in. In this case, you join a local company as a manager and you stay a manager. In local companies, it is almost impossible to promote further when you are a foreigner. In this path you lose the advantages of working at a multi-national. You are thus impacted more from the disadvantages of being a foreigner.”

Who was a role model for you?

“I have many role models, each for different things. One that comes to my mind immediately is an Indian guy who was the head of shaving razors in Gilette London. He was born and raised in India. He was great in building and implementing strategy. He thought, analyzed and planned well. He had a specific process of preparing for regional management meetings. He collected pricing data from all regions, analyzed the data, calculated margins, forecasted required price increases. Then he would go through the results one by one, with related parties, in prep meetings. Finally, he utilized the results to devise arguments for the actual meeting. To this day, I use a similar process. It took a while for me, to get the hang of it; to control the timing, to coordinate well, to reason correctly and to devise effective arguments.

My current boss is also an Indian, he lives in Russia and his wife is Turkish. He is phenomenal in learning the local culture and devising behavioral patterns to adapt. He has an incredibly flexible style. When there is a problem or when he gets stuck with something, he immediately retreats and tries a different path without insisting or forcing a specific way.

His network is incredibly wide all over the world. He has great communication with people. Because he is very business and results oriented, even when he says something that people do not agree with, they know that he does not have a hidden agenda, so there is a rational discussion not an emotional reaction.”

What is a tip for success at work, as an expat?

“When you go abroad as an expat, at work you have to leave your nationality at the door. In order to be successful, you have to forget your nationality and take on the identity of an “international person”. You may be doing work with your own country, but you can’t treat it different from the other countries you do business with. You must be rational, otherwise it will not be professional.

Whereas in social life, you must become as local as possible. You can’t be fully local, just target moving towards this goal within reason.”

What would you recommend people who report to expats?

“I would recommend understanding the context of their boss very well. Who is he/she, why is he here, where is he coming from, where will he go, what is his target, what are his goals, what are his challenges, what will be his next step, what is the situation with his family?... Jut rationally internalizing his/her situation as much as possible. “What are the critical issues for this person while he/she is here?” This way you can really understand his/her mood and find ways of creating win-win situations that is at the intersection of his/her interests and your interests.”

What did you sacrifice?

“I think I was not around enough for my family. When I first went to London, I was mesmerized by the impact I could have. It is wonderful to be in an international business context, I enjoyed it, but I overdid it. The first year, I was away 110 days, it adversely affected my family relationships.

It is important to understand the perspective of the stakeholders that are affected by your decision to work as an expat. Putting only yourself to the center of things will bring failure. If I went to work now, I would seek more balance for my family.”

What is important for you at work?

“Firstly, I owe my success to passion. However, passion must be controlled well. Always keep in mind you are doing what, for the sake of what? My locking on targets had a negative impact on my relationships with people for a while, then I learned to balance it.

Secondly, perseverance, which is grit, which is insisting on achieving something and not giving up. Often perseverance is more important than talent”

I chuckle involuntarily. “Ihsan being a marketer you are in the middle of coming up with 4P” I say. 4P is the famous method used in marketing strategy, namely product, price, place and promotion. “You are right!” he says with a surprised expression.

“Thirdly, performance. Performance is completing a task in a manner that surpasses the expectation. Real performance has an element of surprise. All successful people are able to create this “surprise” effect. That take out luck factor from success.

Fourthly, personal agenda below company interests. With some people, you sense a hidden personal agenda in almost everything they say. That is very irritating. It really undermines trust. You start wondering if the person is actually working for the sake of company interest or not.”

“Ihsan is it a coincidence that the last two also start with P, or did you say them because I joked about 4P of marketing?” I ask.

Now, he chuckles, “I have to admit, I asked myself what other P’s are important after you reminded the 4P”.

I notice that order, tidiness, aesthetics are important for you. How does this aspect reflect on you work life?

“You are right. Order, tidiness, cleanliness, visuals are all important for me. I believe strongly that appearence is as important as the content. I am born with this urge. I remember that when I got up to drink milk at night at 5-6 years old, I would straighten out my bed. It would drive my mother crazy.”

“Can you call this package?” I ask, inspired to add a 5^th “P”.

“Yes, correct package!” he earnestly approves. “However, I have learned to balance this urge at work, by accepting what is outside my span of control.”

What didn’t I ask, that you would ask, if you were me and how would you answer that question?

“I would ask “How important is international expat experience on career?”

It is critical how you shape your career and what steps you take. If you are focused on your career, first decide on where you want be in the future. Determine what experiences you need, which skills you should develop. Decide the actions to take accordingly. Not all expat experiences take you to your target.

For example, I frequently hear “I want to become the general manager of a small country.” But one should think carefully. Does that small country need that person? Why would they want that particular person in that small country? Is a small country the place where that person will perform the best?

Without the long term view of your career and life in mind, just wanting to work as an expat may take you on a completely wrong route.”

Two Things to Teach Children

It is early morning. After seeing my husband off to work and my son off to school, I go to my home office to work. Definitely not a morning person, I am still drowsy! I sit at my desk and start reading mail. Within a couple of minutes, I hear a command from inside my head “Sit up straight!”. I notice that I am slouching and automatically I straighten my back, raise my chin and immediately feel more comfortable and more alert.

The auto reminder is in the form of the voice of my elementary school teacher from grade 1 and grade 2. He would frequently warn us to sit up straight at our desks during class. He would say “Stand straight” when we walked around crouching. Call me crazy, his warning is recorded in my subconscious and to this day, whenever I slouch, my brain automatically replays it along with showing split second image of his face with dark hair and moustache, accompanied with a flash of warmth in my heart.

My teacher came from a little village in the Black Sea coast of Turkey and he had the special Turkish accent of the people raised in the Black Sea coast. Though I do not remember it, the only incident about him, being told in my family is this: One day my mother is talking to my father and referring to my teacher’s accent, she says “Nilgun’s teacher is laz.” (Laz is a common word to refer to people of the Black Sea coast.) Hearing this and not knowing what the word meant, I yell at my mother with the top of my lungs “HE IS NOT LAZ, HE IS TURKISH!” When I was a little girl, I was very obedient and quiet. My inner bossy girl with leadership skills, as Sheryl Sandberg would say, came out much later. That I summoned the courage to scream at my mother, shows how much I cared about my teacher.

The only picture I have of him is a fading, black and white, class picture in 1972 spring, at the school front yard, with the beautiful Bosphorous scenery in the background. Our school was on top of a hill, at Cengelkoy, with a direct view of the Bosphorous bridge.

I get up, find the picture and look at it once more. In the photo, I am snuggled at his side and he is resting his hand, protectively on my shoulder. Obviously, it is sunny and bright, because I am squinting. This time I look at it from a different perspective, not as a photo of a personal memory but as detached snapshot of life in early 1970’s. First time I notice that only a couple of the kids are smiling, most of us look serious, quite a few are downright frowning. This is a picture of old people in little bodies. Their eyes don’t emanate carefree childhood fun.

It is difficult times in our country, most of the people are poor, the kind of poor that you don’t know how poor you are, because everyone you know is almost the same. Some of the kids in our class are regularly hungry. We are supposed to bring lunch to school, some kids can’t bring any or can bring only a little piece of fruit such a handful of grapes from their garden. Us more lucky ones, bring a sandwich of 2 small pieces of bread with feta cheese inside and along with an apple. All our stationery is notebooks from coarse yellow paper, couple of lead pencils, a red pencil, a hard white eraser and a little pencil sharpener.

Sometimes the state distributes flour to classrooms as food aid. Each time the distributed ingredients are given to one of the mothers, who bakes something with them and brings it back to school. I never forget the day when my mother baked cookies with the aid ingredients and brought to class. How my classmates attacked her to snatch cookies, shoving each other to reach the cookie tray she was holding, she was almost toppled.

Each kid is facing a tough situation of different kind at home. Some kids even face violence. We intuitively know our friends who are beaten or who live with violence in their homes. They are the ones who are always afraid and usually can’t keep up with homework. But our teacher is tolerant, he accommodates for the situation of each child. He loves and accepts each child no matter how they behave or how smart they are. Occasionally, when he is worn down, he gets angry and shouts at us. But we never hold a grudge because we know that it does not come from the heart and that it will pass within a few minutes.

I recall being disappointed because he uses most of our physical education and art classes as math classes. He puts a lot of emphasis on math, because he believes it will bring success in life. Now I understand, it was his way of compensating for kids who could not study at home and at the same time improving kids with potential even further.

Yes, this is more like a war picture of a troop with their sergeant, instead of 7 years old grade 1 students with their teacher. I stare at him in the picture. Sergeant, he sure is, standing up straight, his chin up, his thin shoulders down and pushed back, he looks determined and hopeful that the war will be won. He is thin, but he refuses to be frail.

By continuously warning us about our posture and modelling it, our teacher wired in us to “stand up straight no matter what”. Many times during my education or working life, after a stressful situation such as a debate, an oral exam, an important presentation, a public speech, I have been told that I looked very confident and relaxed, by people who watched. A lot of the times, I was surprised because I thought I was anxious and stressed inside. I realized that, I exuded confidence unconsciously, because I was standing up or sitting up straight. It is not just physical, along with the posture, my first teacher, imprinted us with a philosophy of tenacity that comes as a side effect of “standing up straight”.

In his book “The Pressure Principle”, famous sports coach Dave Alfred, recommends assuming command posture in stressful situations and making ourselves as big as possible. He describes command posture as “Shoulders down and packed, neck stretched and chin held in line with sternum. Despite the title command, think less of a military-style standing to attention and more of a trained dancer, upright, lithe and graceful: you are in control of your situation, not standing to the attention of someone or something else.”

The metaphor of the ballet dancer is right on spot. My sports teacher often uses a different description of the same posture during workouts. He says “Imagine that you are hung by a straight line going through your body from the top of your head and through your spine, and you are continuously pulled upwards by this line from the top of your head. At the same time imagine there are weights on your shoulders and they are pressed down, keeping the distance of your head and shoulders as far as possible.”

If done incorrectly, trying to make yourself bigger with alpha-male postures, might result with being perceived as arrogant, pretentious and cocky. When high-power poses are not appropriate, in social situations the idea is to hold a neutral power position, having the head centered above the neck and the neck centered on shoulders. If sitting, sit straight up, don’t lean forward or backward; nor to the left or the right. Give yourself a strong foundation by holding your legs straight if standing up or both feet flat on the floor if you are sitting down.

The best thing about good posture is not the effect it has on other people. Yes, body language does have an impact on how others perceive you. However much more importantly, your body language determines how you feel and how you think about yourself by effecting the mix of hormones, such as testosterone and cortisol, your brain secretes, your “brain juice” as NLP people affectionately call.

In her widely-watched TED talk the Harvard Business School Professor and social psychologist Amy Cuddy has shared research on how assuming a high-power pose for just 2 minutes changes your hormonal mix to make you assertive, confident, optimistic and comfortable, whereas assuming a low power pose such as slouching changes your hormonal mix to make you feel stress reactive and shut down.

High power poses, also called command postures, are poses in which you expand your body as much as possible. An example of a high-power pose is, often called the Wonder Woman pose, hands on hips, feet wide apart, erect spine, shoulders back, chest pushed out, eyes staring confidently forward, is a strong high power pose. After watching her 2012 speech, I plead guilty of sometimes following Amy Cuddy’s recommendation during my management years, and holding a Wonder Woman pose for a few minutes at the elevator or a bathroom stall prior to important presentations, such as executive committees. Breathing deeply from the diaphragm during the pose enhances it. When I remembered doing it, I noticed that it really lowered the anxiety and increased my confidence. Afterwards keeping the neutral power position during the event, preserves the momentum as well as effecting how your audience perceives you.

“I just won a race” pose, raising arms above your head, hands locked in fists, legs apart is another example of a high-power pose that can be used prior to performance to go into the zone.

In coaching, we work with the body, because you can access a state by embodying it. Emotions have different embodiments that go along with them.

Hence with an intuition far beyond his time, what my elementary school teacher did, was trying to instill in us a strategy to feel confident, to be able to perform well under pressure and cope better with stress.

If you would teach one single thing to children, condition them to sit and stand tall, like a ballet dancer. If you would teach a second thing, show them to do a high-power pose for a couple of minutes, to use when they are about to perform. These two things alone might change the course of their life.